WASHINGTON, D.C. — American rock band Rage Against the Machine, famous for songs with anti-authoritarian themes, proudly announced they would headline this year's CIA fundraiser on November 22, the band's publicist confirmed Monday.

U.S. — Editorial sources at the Discovery Channel recently confirmed that Mike Rowe was out of a job again, as a new season of the series Dirty Jobs will be hosted by none other than former President Donald Trump.

NEW YORK, NY — A great moment in both television history and the advancement of women occurred today, as producers of ABC's long-tenured daytime talk show The View welcomed a sixth woman to the cast.

U.S. — Following a successful appearance at last night's Al Smith charity dinner, former President Donald Trump signed a deal to host every late-night TV talk show, saving networks from a lengthy ratings drought.

U.S. — The Babylon Bee's new film, January 6: The Most Deadliest Day, has officially surpassed The Shawshank Redemption as IMDB's top movie of all time.

NEW YORK, NY — Always a lightning rod for controversy, longtime radio "shock jock" Howard Stern came under fire this week for allegedly exploiting yet another mentally challenged guest for cheap laughs.

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Fans of the popular animated Christian children's series were excited by the promise of new adventures, as the makers of VeggieTales announced the introduction of a new evil villain character named "Matt Squash."

U.S. — Evangelicals are calling on Phil Vischer, creator of VeggieTales, to repent after it was discovered he deliberately tricked millions of kids into believing historic Biblical figures were talking vegetables.