CAROL STREAM, IL — The editing department of the publication formerly known as Christianity Today has confirmed that the magazine has officially changed its name to You Do You Today.

CHINO, CA — Anonymous reports from a church small group indicated local man Evan McDonough requested a hedge of protection from God to keep him safe from his struggles with temptation but was surprised to receive God's answer in the form of an actual hedge. Of protection.

LONDON — British police continued to uphold law and order in the United Kingdom by arresting a praying mantis for disturbing the peace with public prayer.

HOUSTON, TX — Upon seeing a cute new girl at school this morning, local teenager Jeremy Camden felt pretty sure the Holy Spirit was leading him to go talk to her and maybe invite her to hang out on Friday.

NEW YORK, NY — Local man Bradley Hart caught some awkward stares from members of his church small group earlier this week after the 38-year-old claimed that he "just doesn't have time to memorize Scripture," despite the fact that he had evidently committed the entire 1986 New York Mets roster to memory.

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