U.S. — Hundreds of thousands of women across America were left standing utterly clueless as to what to do at a voting booth after their husbands failed to tell them who to vote for.

ATLANTA, GA — Local dad Brad O'Malley reportedly disappointed his young children this morning by informing them that the results of his inspection of their Halloween candy may be delayed for up to two weeks.

CINCINATTI, OH — After contemplating her options, local wife Marie Raynard finally selected a restaurant to eat at, but sadly she had taken so long to decide the heat death of the universe had already happened.

U.S. — In surprising results following years of extensive research, a new study confirmed that an astonishing 9 out of 10 serial killers were made to wear matching pajamas for childhood family photos.

TULSA, OK — Local dad Tim Gardner admitted to sort of phoning in the last 50 or so pages of a Dr. Seuss book last night.

GARDEN CITY, UT — Local dad Dave Myers decided it was finally time to pull his teenage son aside this weekend and have "The Talk" with his son about the reality of rigged elections.

OMAHA, NE — Local father Sam Libert was tricked into keeping his children up far too late last night after his kids cleverly waited until bedtime to ask him to explain the Trinity.

GRAND RAPIDS, MI — In what many commentators and observers are referring to as a "total noob move," local husband Jeffrey Blanc accidentally asked his wife how her day was earlier this week.