Though many Americans are worried about the security of America's electoral processes our elections are and always have been completely secure and reliable.

While standing in line for seven hours waiting to vote, you may start to think, "I wonder if any of the men in line are actually voting for Harris?" Here is a handy guide for how to spot one of the rarest of all creatures, a male Kamala voter:

ROCKFORD, MI — Several sources have come forward to accuse local man Bryce Harrison of stolen valor after the 54-year-old appeared in public wearing an "I Voted" sticker that he had purchased on Amazon.

LANCASTER COUNTY, PA — Tragedy struck a local voting precinct today, as an Amish man reportedly fell through a trap door directly to Hell after using an electronic voting machine.

PHILADELPHIA — As Trump began to take the lead in Pennsylvania exit polls, state officials announced they had accidentally misplaced all of their voting machines.

MADISON, WI — A local white male has made the courageous decision to vote for Kamala to preserve his daughter's right to murder his grandchildren.

U.S. — Just in time for Election Day, officials unveiled a brand-new ballot box for Libertarians to use which, they say, will improve the efficiency of the counting process.

USA — Early exit polls in the 2024 presidential election show surprise write-in candidate Peanut the Squirrel with a commanding lead over the other two leading candidates.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Americans continue to wait in line to cast their votes today, several prominent Democrats have stepped forward to remind the country that an election winner may not be declared until 110% of the vote is done being counted.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris was heard questioning the voting process early Tuesday, reportedly confused as to why she needs to get any votes to be elected president.

Do you believe evolution is real, or are you an anti-science moron?

TULSA, OK — According to sources, local colorblind man Jim Cone has no idea who is winning the presidential race from looking at the electoral map.

WASHINGTON D.C. — Business owners around Washington D.C. have begun preparing for an overwhelming outpouring from the ‘Party Of Joy' by decorating their storefronts with highly durable yet cost-efficient plywood.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — American rock band Rage Against the Machine, famous for songs with anti-authoritarian themes, proudly announced they would headline this year's CIA fundraiser on November 22, the band's publicist confirmed Monday.

U.S. — A new poll from NBC News shows definitively that Trump will win the 2024 presidential election unless Harris wins.

PINE CITY, NY — Following the public outcry about the state's Department of Environmental Conservation raiding a local man's home and euthanizing his pet squirrel who had hundreds of thousands of social media followers, New York authorities announced Peanut the squirrel had died of COVID-19.

U.S. — On the eve of a hotly contested presidential election, top Democrats warned the American people that if Trump is elected, it would likely be the end of bureaucracy as we know it.

U.S. — Boomers across the country prepared for church this morning by setting their cell phone ring volume to its absolute max.

U.S. — Hundreds of thousands of women across America were left standing utterly clueless as to what to do at a voting booth after their husbands failed to tell them who to vote for.